Virtual Communities and Civility

  
 Virtual communities play a large role in the lives of today's youth. Well... not just in the lives of youths. Surveys demonstrate that social networking is not just an activity of the young. Researchers have shown that the use of social networks among people in the age group of 50- older, has doubled in the past year or so. Among people 65 and older, one in four, use sites related to social networking.

    So, social networking is big. And when people are nasty to each other, it no longer takes days for the news to get around. A person can impulsively post the most seemingly most trivial of thoughts to thousands simultaneously, sometimes with almost perfect anonymity.  This lack of responsibility for one's words can lead to some very bad behavior that would probably shock friends and family of the offender-- if they were aware of it.  Off-hand criticisms and comments can leave a mark.  Don't believe the "Sticks and stones can break my bones..." thing.  Words CAN hurt. And they can go on hurting for a very long time.
    As if we needed more justification for why children require monitoring in their use of social networking sites and games that include online play with others, here comes something else to think about.  Children and youth require guidance and modeling to acquire those important qualities of empathy and civility that we start instilling into our children at the youngest of ages on the playground, but we neglect in the virtual world.  "Take turns," "Let her play with you guys," "Tell him he did a good job,"  "Share your toys," "Invite him over to play with you boys,"  "Don't argue, play together,"  "It was an accident....go on and play."  Never mind the name-calling and bad language parents deal with.  But we do... mind it-except when children begin to go online and interact with others.  Then, no one may be around to keep reminding them that "we don't use that word,"  and "how do you think that made her feel?"
   It's more difficult to teach these simple lessons when applied in conditions of concealment of one's identity, shrouded in an avatar and away from parents' prying eyes.  But get your child to show you the World of Warcraft trade chat or let you view the conversation during a LFR raid and you may be shocked to learn that, while Robert Fulghum learned everything in kindergarten, others among us may need a refresher course. 
   "Trolling."  A delightful, 21st century term that describes the worst trend of this online lack of civility and troublesome behavior, can be seen in any of the social networking sites as well as any forum or chat room.  Bloggers know the term well. Post a blog, video, or a review of a movie and open it up for comments and see what collects.  The use of the word "fail" has become one of those terms about which one is no longer sure of the proper use.  It is a verb?  A Noun? "You are so fail" has become ubiquitous in the gaming community as a first-line insult. Many have studied the phenomena of trolling and online bullying and what to do about it.  Residents of the virtual world Second Life call one form of these evil-doers "Griefers." They may try to disrupt and destroy the activities and work of other players in MMORPGs.  One study has suggested that the experience of online bullying is not only common, but may be approaching the norm and is usually not reported to the parent. 
    Of course, antisocial behavior is seen in the real world as well, but it may be suppressed by the demand characteristics of the situation, among most individuals.  These inhibiting conditions do not exist in the virtual world in the experience of many.  No one is watching.  No one is reminding them of what they learned on the playground.
   Every parent today is warned about the danger to their child on the internet.  This usually conjures images of sexual predators, identity theft, and yes, being bullied.  But how much do we know about if our own child is "playing nice?"  Are we?

Cyber-Bullying